Let’s face it, we all get upset at times, maybe most days. But there’s a difference between getting upset and being angry, and some people are better at controlling this anger than others.
Part of successful anger management is learning to spot your feelings of anger before you explode and do or say something you will regret. It’s much better than sitting there re-living that moment when you have gone too far and maybe ruining a close friendship.
Strangely enough, not everyone even realises anger is upon them until it is too late. By tracking your anger episodes, you can soon spot the signs and deal with your anger in a more positive way, one that you will not end up regretting.
Learn to Recognize Anger
Before you learn the techniques to manage your emotions, you first need to learn to recognise your anger. There are three main questions you can journal about that should help:
1 – How do I know when I’m angry?
2 – What events, people, places or things trigger feelings of anger?
3 – What do I do when I feel angry?
We all process the feeling of anger in different ways. We might even use different words for it, such as feeling annoyed, irritated and so on. If your main response is “Oh, no!” to any person or situation, assume them all to be anger. Don’t we all have people that can provoke these feelings at some point in our life? Recognizing the signs means you can stop anger in its tracks before it gets hold and your temper takes over all your actions.
Physical Signs of Anger
Some physical signs of anger to watch out for include:
* Clenching your jaws
* Grinding your teeth
* Getting headaches and/or migraines often
* Experiencing stomach ache or digestive disorders
* Increased and rapid heart rate
* Sweating, especially your palms
* Feeling hot or red in the neck or face
Emotional Signs of Anger
These are some of the emotional signs that anger is starting to take hold, which include:
* Bad mood
* Sudden change in mood
* Wanting to run away from the whole situation – fight or flight response
* Worried
* Resentful
* Guilty, though for no clear reason
Know Your Anger Triggers
Everyone has their own set of anger triggers, no matter how silly they may sound. The important thing is to be honest about them so you can keep an eye on your anger when you have to deal with these triggers.
Here are a few examples to get you started in your anger management journal:
Events
* Holiday meals with the family
* Business meetings
People
* Boss
* Mother-in-law
Places
* The office
* Airports
Things
* Your car, because it is always breaking down
* Your computer because it is too slow
Once you start to realise that anger is taking hold, find your anger journal and note down the experience. Make sure you include the date, the situation, what the trigger was, and what action you took. Don’t forget to note down who was around to witness your actions – they may suddenly take a different stance with you, which may leave you puzzled as to why.
Cues That Anger Is Arising
Some “cues” can also signal that you are feeling anger and progressing to the point where it is taking hold. Watch out for the following actions and see if you can pull back from the brink before you fully start to act out due to your anger.
* Rubbing your head
* Bunching your fists
* Rubbing your hands together
* Pacing back and forth
* Not finding anything funny
* Being rude to others
* Craving a drink, a cigarette, or other item that helps you cope
* Giving people the silent treatment
* Raising your voice
* Starting to yell
* Beginning to cry
It can be difficult to notice all these things when you feel scalded by your anger. But, by knowing what to look for, you might be able to focus on that aspect of your cycle of anger. And by paying attention to it, you’ll understand your anger better so you can manage it better.
For example, if your partner asking when you are going to do the chore that you promised gets you angry every time they do it, you can think about who you are really angry with. Them for asking? You for promising to do it? Does their “nagging” seem unreasonable? Or are you secretly feeling guilty, resentful, angry with yourself, and so on? No one wants to appear to be a failure, to be unreliable, so is the request making you feel “less than”?
Taking time to recognise your anger signs, noting them down, and looking out for them in the future, can go a long way to keeping a lid on that anger. Spot your warning signs and triggers and see if you can nip your anger in the bud before it ever really gets started.
I’d love to hear how this helps you. And if you feel you know someone who could benefit, please share with your friends. If you find it too embarrassing to do this directly, or think that they may not appreciate it, you could always share on Facebook and hope the person involved takes note. But personally I think they are well aware of their anger issues but don’t know how to deal with them. Be that friend who helps.
Until next time
Paul
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